Ikki! NO!
by ltifal
Summary: First story Tifa write for Bronzies. Tatsumi get mad and left the house and who be in charge to cook for lunch? credit to Vane for editing


**Authoress note : **hm hm… this is the first fic focus on bronze saints and also parody (hope make you laugh again) and Shun please read this disclaimer here

Shun : ok!!! With pleasure

Tifa : why are you so happy?

Shun : because you always make fun with gold saint not me

Tifa : hmmm true, o well next time you

Shun : what!!!!! 

Tifa : read that please

Shun : errrr Tifa don't own Saint Seiya. Saint Seiya belong to Masami Kurumada Sensei.

Tifa : thank you swetty ^_^

**Ikki???!!!! NO!!!!**

It's a beautiful day, as always. And the routine in Saori's mansion begins as usual. There he is. Hyoga come out from his room to a balcony in front of his room. He places his hand on his balcony's fence and look at the sun. Hyoga closes slightly his eyes and then looks at his friend down there, who just finished his usual jogging.

"Hey Shun, Ohayo!" 

"Aaa, ohayo gozaimasu, Hyoga!", his friend looks up and waves his hand.

"Same as usual ne?"

"Yup, ano Hyoga? Why don't you train with me? If you don't take your training, you'll become a slow poke" , he said, with a smile on his lips and chuckling.

"Slow poke!!! Hey Shun, watch your mouth there!"  Hyoga smiles and then jumps from his balcony. After landing, he finds no one in the garden and starts turning around, but someone pushes him from the back and Hyoga nearly falls because of that.

"See, slow poke?" Shun chuckles and shooks his head, then runs through the door.

"Hey, you will see what this slow poke can do!" Hyoga begins running after him inside the house.

 Inside the house, Hyoga begins searching for Shun, and he passes on Seiya, who is always half-naked and only wears his short pant when walking around the house in the morning.

"Hey, did ya see Shun?"

"Huh? *Yawn* Shun? I think I saw *yawn*… him going to ofuro" says Seiya between his yawnings. 

"Ok, arigatou Seiya and Seiya…?"

"Huh?"

"I have told you a hundred times, even Saori already told you this, _do not walk around half-naked, and at least wash you face first_" , then runs away. "There is a girl in this house!" , yells Hyoga. 

Hyoga reaches his destination : OFURO. Then he takes his towel and takes off his clothes. Then opens the door.

"Got ya!" He meets Shun there, completely naked.

"Hey, what are you doing? I'm taking a shower here! It's impolite to go in without knocking the door!!" There is a slightly red colour in his cheeks.

"Hehehe, see what this slow poke can do!" Hyoga chuckles, then goes to the ofuro, washes his body with the shower and then sits down in the ofuro.

 "Hey, Shun? It's too hot!"

"What? It's not too hot, Hyoga… Eh!!! Don't you dare to cool it with your Diamont Dust or anything, ok?"

"Oh, sure, of course!"

"Did you really mean that?"

"Yes, I mean that I will cool it!"

"ECK! No, you won't!"

"Yes, I will!"

Several minutes later, there are plashing sounds and laughters coming from the ofuro. And Shiryu, just getting there, hears that. He opens the door and... PLASH!!!!!

"grmll … Could you two please tell me what are you doing?" Shiryu walks in with his body and his towel totally wet.

"OOPSSS!!"

"Aaa, gomenasai Shiryu!"

"Pah, Shun, no need to apologise. Besides, he wanna take a shower too, right?"

"Well, it's true that I wanna take a shower, but how about my towel, eh?"

"I'll get a new one for you, Shiryu, besides I'm done with the shower" Shun gets up from the ofuro, grabs his towel and then walks to the door. But then he stops and turns around. "Oh, yeah... Shiryu?"

"Huh?"

"Please, don't let him cool the water, 'cause there are two other guys needing this ofuro" , he says, pointing at Hyoga. Then he walks away.

"Hey!!"

"Ok, Shun! Please, put the towel out there, thanks Shun!"

"You're welcome!" , yells Shun.

In the dinning room, Tatsumi already set the breakfast for Saori and other five Bronze Saints. He is putting the last plate when Saori comes in and takes her sit. 

"Good morning, miss."

"Ah, good morning Tatsumi. Well, what do we have today, Tatsumi?

"We have salad, eggs and bread, and we also have bacon here."

"Hemm, could you please call them? It's getting late."

"Sure, miss."

Then Tatsumi walks to the door and …

SLAM!!! The door suddenly opens, and fastly!!!

"Ohayo….!!! Saori-san, hey, what's the breakfast today?" Seiya with his red shirt and jeans runs and quickly sits on his chair.

SLAM!!!!! Again the door!!

"Ohayo, Saori-san, hi, Seiya" , Shiryu says, running after slaming the door and sitting besides Seiya.

"Ohayo, Shiryu."

SLAM!!!!!!!!! And again.

"Ohayo minna!! Hey, hasn't Shun come here yet?" Hyoga jumps and lands on his chair.

"You are too overactive, you know?"

"No, I don't. Shun hasn't come here yet?"

SLAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Yawn… Hey, quit pushing me like that. That made me have to slam that door!"

"Niisan, really too slow!!" Shun pushes Ikki's body to the chair, then sits down on his chair too.

"So, what's the breakfast today?"

"Yay!!! Bacon!!!!"

"Hey, someone's missing here. Where's Tatsumi, Saori-san?"

"…………there *sweatdrop*" Saori points at the door and Tatsumi comes out from behind it, with an angry face, and  four red lines on it.

"It's nice, Hyoga, you still remember me but …… I ALREADY TOLD YOU THAT FOR 100 TIMES: DO NOT SLAM THE DOOR!!!!!!!"

"Uh, sorry, Tatsumi."

"Not you, THEM!!" , Tatsumi yells, pointing at Seiya, then at Shiryu, Hyoga and Ikki, but the four of them only look away and whistle.

"Yam, the Bacon is good!"

"Yeah, the eggs too!"

"It's not. It's too salty!"

"Ah you always says that, not everyone has a tongue like yours."

"Right."

"Did you all hear me!!!!?????" Tatsumi jumps up and down with his hands pointing at them and his face turning red like a tomato.

"Hey, I wanna go to the orphanage, do you wanna come with me?"

"Well, ok, we can play soccer there!"

"I'm not going anywhere, today I wanna take a rest, cause my little bro always wakes me up too early"

"Nii-san?!! You just too lazy!" Shun blinks his eyes and then shooks his head.

"Well, can I rest today?? Ok!"

"Ooooh, all right!!" 

"Saori-san, do you wanna come with me?"

"Well, I want to read the newspaper, and then a report from my company, so I can't go. Thank you, Sei."

"Aw, all right, let's go guys!!"

Then Seiya quickly leaves the dinning room, followed by the other Bronze Saints, except Ikki who walks slowly to the door.

"IKKI!!! DO NOT SLA……!"

BLAM!!!!!!!!

"That damn DOORRRRRR!!!!! ARGH!!!!! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS!!!!" Again Tatsumi jumps up and down with his face turned really red like a tomato, and he clenches his left hand.

"……… Tatsumi………" Saori looks at Tatsumi almost giggling, but of course she doesn't dare to laugh at him. Poor Tatsumi!!

"Saori-sama!!!!!"

"Uh-oh, yes?"

"PLEASE GIVE ME THREE DAYS OFF, I NEED SOME REST!!!"

"…… All right. After all, you haven't taken any rest for 7 years."

"THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!!" He knees and kisses Saori hand for 10 times, then jumps up and down and leaves.

"… OK *sweatdrop*"

Later, at 10 o'clock AM, Ikki comes from his room (after his hibernation ^ ^u) and walks to the dinning room and sees no one in there. Then he yawns and goes to the kitchen. He opens the refrigeretor and takes a can of beer, then goes back to his room. But before he reaches his room, he meets Saori on his way.

"Ah, Ikki, could you make the lunch for us? I want to go to the factory for a while."

"What?!! Where's Tatsumi?!"

"Well, I gave him three days off, so no one cooks right now" (funny for such a big house, but the truth is that Tatsumi is all they have…T_T)

"What??!! This should be my beautiful rest-day, and you say I must cook!"

"Well, no one here except for you, right? So, could you?..."

"NO!!!! NO WAY!!! COOKING IS ONLY FOR GIRLS!!!" Ikki quickly crosses his hands in front of his body and takes one step backward.

"What? Who said that?"

"I DID!!"

"LOOK! No matter if you like it or not, there's no one here. So, if you wanna eat, just cook, okay? And make lunch for everybody too, if you don't mind."

"BUT …!"

"No 'but', Ikki! Oh no! It's getting late! Bye Ikki, see you at 1 o'clock, and I hope the lunch will be ready."

"HEY!!!"

Saori quickly goes away, leaving Ikki. And there he is, alone in the house and having to cook for lunch. 

"I'd better go with them" , he thinks. "But it's too late now... Just face it: you must cook now. Uhmm... where the hell is the cooking book?" 

Ikki then goes to Shiryu's  bedroom, looking for the recipe book there. He grabs everything from the bookshelf and spreads it all over the ground. Finally, after several minutes he finds a recipe book. When Ikki reads it, the title says 'How to Bake a Lovely Cake'. Ikki shooks his head, then begins searching for another cooking book. Then he comes out with several books.

"Hmm Korean dishes. No, not this" , and he throws it away. "Chinese dishes? No! Sushi?! Bah, no way. Ah, here it is, cooking for beginners, how to arrange menu. Hm.. what should I cook?" 

Ikki finally finds the suitable cooking book and walks away from Shiryu's room. And leaving the room untidy. He goes to the living room and starts opening the book. Piece by piece he reads it, then without thinking he tears some of the pages away. Then throws the book and goes to kitchen. In the kitcken he starts cooking.

Later at 1 o'clock, the other Bronze Saints enter the house laughing. And there's a strange smell around the house.

"Hey, can you guys smell anything?"

"Yeah, I smell it, it's like someone burning something."

"Strange!! What's happening here?"

"HEY, TATSUMI!!!!???? DID YOU BURN SOMETHING????"

From the kitchen comes a splashing sound and a black smoke. Shun (the only one who can cook) rushes to the kicthen and then sees something terrible there. Then he screams.

"NIICHANNNN!!!! WHAT HAPPENS HERE??? Cough…" 

"DIAMOND DUST!!!!" Hyoga doesn't know what is happening, but hearing Shun's scream, he thinks there's something burning, so he uses his attack to cool it or rather to stop the fire (And you know what is happening, right?) The whole kitchen is freezing.

"cough…cough… WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, I'M TRYING TO MAKE THE LUNCH!!!!" Ikki rushes to Hyoga and pulls his shirt.

"LUNCH??? WHAT LUNCH?? YOU'RE BURNING SOMETHING!!!"

"Stop that…"

"GRRRRR!" Ikki is ready to punch Hyoga and Hyoga is ready to fight back.

"Hey, please stop…" This time Seiya and Shiryu join to stop the fighting, but it's no use. (Ikki already set his detonator and it's ready to blow!!)

"STOPPP IT NOW!!!!!!" errr... this time Shun screams really loud, until the other Bronze Saints have to cover their ears. "Ahem, now that's better. So, niichan? Why are you in the kitchen?"

"GRRR, this is because of that good for nothing Tatsumi! He left the house for three days!"

"Tatsumi left the house??? Funny! He never leaves Saori like this!"

"Funny!!?? Hell, yeah... *grumbles , grumbles*!"

Then they hear the sound of an opening door, and Saori, who just comes in, meets the Bronze Saints outside the kitchen, and then screams:

 "Arghh? What's happened here?" And with an innocent face, Ikki just says: 

"Cooking."

"………" For several seconds, Saori stays silent. Then she looks around the kitchen, and her surprised face shows that can't believe what she sees: the whole kicthen covered with ice. Then she turns her head and faces Hyoga. Hyoga, also with an innocent face, says that he is not reponsible for this, he was just trying to fight the fire. Saori can't say anything. Then she places her hand on her head and, without any word said, goes to the living room. 

"Saori-san……now what?"

"Pah! I'm not responsible for this, ok?"

"Yes you are, you are the one that…"

"Enough!! We are all resposible for this because Tatsumi is not here, so we have to clean this, ok?"

"… but …"

"Seiya!!!??? You hear me!!"

"I know... I just wanna know, do we have something to eat? I'm hungry!"

"Yes, we are…… WANNA SOME ICE BURNING FISH!!!!!!!!!!"

"Hey, don't yell like that, I was just asking!" 

"BAH!!! Let me take care of this!"

"What will you……!!!!!!!!!" 

Before Shiryu can say anything :

"Hou yoku ten sho!!!!!!!!!!"

All of the other Saints quickly jump away from the kitchen, and Shun of course grabs Ikki and drags him away from there (didn't Ikki know there's gas in the kitchen? T_Tu) and then ……of course, what did you expect? The sound of an explosion!!!! 

Then a fire alarm rings in the mansion. Saori, who sat in the living room, rushes to the kitchen area and, seeing what happened there, gets a shock and then falls unconcious. Luckyly she doesn't hit the ground because Seiya quickly carries her. 

 Several minutes later, they hear a cracking sound coming from the front door, and several men from the fire brigade come in to rescue the survivors and help to put out the fire.

 The fire fighters easyly put out the fire. Then, after Shun and Shiryu explain what caused the explosion (errr... they are lying, because nobody will believe them if they tell the truth), the fire fighters give them advice about how dangerous fire is and blah blah blah. And they leave the masion. 

Several hours later, Saori wakes up. She grabs Seiya's shirt and looks into his eyes.

"Please, tell me Seiya, tell me that Tatsumi is here. That Ikki cooks just fine. That the kitchen hasn't exploded!"

"Errr….. unfortunately that's not true. Tatsumi's not here, Ikki's cook failed and the kitchen did explode."

"Ahhh!!" , and goes uncouncious again

"Saori-sama!!!!"

Later……

"Sigh… all right, all fixed except for that kitchen, can we eat now?"

"… Get that phone and order some unagi-don, Shiryu."

"All right, Saori-san." Then he grabs the phone and orders some unagi-don. 20 minutes go by, and someone rings the door. Shiryu quickly opens the door, pays the bill (the money is given by Saori), then heads back to the living room. 

"Yum, hungry!!!" Seiya quickly grabs one of the bento and eats it.

"Slow down, will ya!" 

Everybody eats their bento, they are all hungry, but something catches Shiryu's eyes (isn't he blind?? ^_^). He thinks he has never seen that book on the chair besides Seiya.

"Sei?! Can you pass that book?"

"Whoomtt boongkk" 

"Yeackkk, Seiya, that's awfull! Swallow that first!"

" Ugh... this one?" , and throws the book to Shiryu.

"Yes, I think I've seen it somewhere." Catches the book and … "that's strange, this cooking book should be in my shelf." Then his feeling leads him to open the book … "ARGHH!!!! WHO THE %&$%&%^ TORE MY BOOK????!!!!!" 

"Shiryu!!????" Shun can't believe it that Shiryu has just said those words. Shiryu quickly turns his head to Ikki. Ikki on the other hand enjoys his bento and smirks innocently. Shiryu quickly goes to his room and …

"ARGH!!!!!!!!! IKKI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Later that night, Tatsumi goes back to the masion. He feels guilty for having left Saori in the middle of the predators (he means: a girl surrounded by boys, what will happen? Tee hee!) so he goes back to the mansion, and rings the bell. The door opens.

"TATSUMI!!!????????"

"TATSUMI????"

"Err, what has happened here, why?"

"Tatsumi???! Promise me you'll never ever leave the masion anymore!!"

"Eh, of course, Saori-sama, I will protect you from the predators!"

"Predators? Who?"

"Of course all of you, the boys!"

"No need for you to protect me, Tatsumi, I have all boys (Bronze Saints) and men (Gold Saints) to protect me. I just need you to protect our house."

"What is the meaning of that, Saori-sama?"

"THAT!!!" pointing to the living room. There Hyoga grabs Ikki's hand to prevent him from fighting Shiryu. On the other hand, Seiya pulls Shiryu's body to prevent the Dragon from fighting Ikki. And there're a lot of holes on the ceiling, the door is cracked, the windows crashed and there're some food on the floor. So, the living room is a mess and the kitchen is burnt, and Tatsumi is the one who must take care of this all (poor Tatsumi ^_^u).

"NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!" 

OWARI

Authoress note : so how was it? Review please. O yeah, I wanna ask something, do you confuse reading this fic? (because this fic should have colour text for each person) 


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